*Pondering some things. Thought about my life and how I really didn’t see until now what I’ve always had.*
Laying here again sharing a couch with you, how long has it been since you’ve actually had a bed to sleep in?
Going and getting free food left and right, how long has it been since you’ve sat down at a table and ate in your own home?
How long has it been since you’ve even HAD your own home? A place you could lock up and go to sleep in safely?
How many favors have you done for friends, just to watch it all end, simply for a roof over your head?
How many of your things have you tossed to the wind, taking only what you can carry? How many times have you trusted someone with your things, never to see them again?
How many different showers have you used this week, using what was available and not what was best for your health?
Have you ate food that you didn’t like, maybe even made you sick? Because you were hungry?
How long have your clothes been tattered and splattered and your shoes smell badly and look dirty? When did you last get a chance to stain treat something?
How many times have you let a cough go on too far? Felt so sick but didn’t have a way to pay for what should be a human right?
How many times have you done the unethical or unjust thing just to see tomorrow? How many laws have you broken behind closed doors to make sure you’ll wake up again?
How many times has someone held you close and told you that you were loved, or even just wanted?
I thought I was poor growing up. Tax evasion, maxing out credit cards, cash jobs under the table, both parents working full time, sales of prescription opioids and hard drugs, seeing my dad less than 6hrs a day 5 days a week to see him come home exhausted and my mother lying about her broken ribs to keep her extra money? Spending $300-$400 on groceries for a family of four, buying new clothes only for school shopping and special occasions, being happy to get on a reduced price lunch program in school, hand me down winter jackets, trading things to buy food, eating Hamburger Helper all the time, buying broken down used cars to fix up and drive because no such thing as a new car?
I THOUGHT I was poor, I did. But I was actually quite privileged, hard core abuse of every sort imaginable or not.
I see the life you’ve been forced into, it breaks my heart twice as hard seeing you live it as an adult, with no one to hold your hand or kiss you goodnight at the end of the day and tell you they love you. I had that from my dad, I feel so lucky for that now.
Even as an adult I have always been privileged. I’ve always had nice things and food to eat and clothes and almost always medical insurance too.
I didn’t have to live in true survival mode, not like I thought. Nothing like this.
Life is so different when you have to carry a knife and sleep with one eye open. When what you have, all you have, is the person in front of you, and if you’re lucky, what little the government determines you’re deserving of.
The government told my family we deserved nothing because my dad brought in money. It wasn’t even enough.
Today, I see the way you’ve lived. You didn’t ask for it. You’ve lived this way for so long, it’s all you know.
Let me show you how it feels to feel safe. To have a stable environment. To no longer wake up afraid.